From a very young age, I had a desire for God. I would recite the prayers they taught me in catechism every night before bed. I kept a rosary under my pillow and had a picture of Mary I got at the county fair, hanging on my bedroom wall. This is how I kept close to God.
It wasn’t until I stood toe to toe with death and destruction in my early twenties that I realized that I needed much more than those rehearsed prayers and religious articles, I needed God. That October day changed my life forever and sparked a journey to find God on my own terms.
Growing up I had a promising childhood. I was raised in a two-parent, middle-income household with my two older sisters. My Dad provided the things we needed, and my mom directed us the best she could to the God we needed.
So, life was simple recite your prayers, go to church every Sunday, graduate from college, land your dream job, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. Right? Not quite.
You see to the outside world my life was pretty good. I secured a great job that afforded me the lifestyle I wanted, I was excelling in college, and had a thriving social life.
The problem was on the inside, I was lonely, desperate, reckless, and self-absorbed. I was dragging out my classes so I could work to afford more things that I didn’t need, to keep up with a lifestyle that wasn’t making me happy. My “friends” brought no value to my life, encouraging my reckless behavior. Despite my seemingly thriving social life, I couldn’t escape the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. In a room filled with people, still, I felt so alone.
My adult life was filled with materialistic objects and meaningless relationships that were supposed to fulfill me. Acquiring these things only gave me an unquenching thirst for me. The thrill of it all blinded me from realizing how much of myself I was sacrificing in the process.
Eventually, I hit rock bottom. I had finally been brought so low, that like the prodigal son, I realized even the slaves in my Father’s house were better off than me.
What I didn’t realize at the time, was God had sent an army in the middle of the darkness to find me in my lowest of lows. The same God I had forgotten while I went to live my life, had never forgotten me. He was about to send me on a journey up out of rock bottom that would forever change the trajectory of my life.
When I met my husband, I was just beginning to crawl out of the mud. He met my broken heart with such love and care. We were two broken souls just wanting to be loved, and striving towards the American dream. What we were about to realize the hard way was the love we wanted so badly only God could fulfill, and the life our hearts desired could only be found in him.
Although God was removing the veil from our eyes we were still picking and choosing which areas we would walk in obedience. We convinced ourselves that some things just weren’t that big of a deal. Mainstream media said it’s a new era, right? Wrong! Friends, all it takes is leaving one door open to the enemy in your life and he will storm in like a flood, and that he did.
Our poor decision making resulted in unsurmountable pain and suffering. However, God was going to use every affliction, suffering, and attack on our lives to completely set us free.
Jeff and I would have our firstborn son cremated after he died prematurely. I thought I would never have to hold another lifeless baby again but a year and half l later I would be holding my daughter Claire’s tiny lifeless body in my hands.
During this time Jeff would lose his job, mourn the sudden death of his father, and go through a custody battle for what was at the time his only living child. We were sent through the fire, and life as we knew it would never be the same.
It was in that dark and unimaginable pain that we met God. He was there when the doctor announced that I was already dilating and that I would have Korbin within the next few days, with no chance of survival. He was there when I laid there with my feet in the stirrups, pregnant with Claire, as the dr. announced the bag is bulging you’re going into labor. He watched us cry over our lifeless children.
As our entire worlds came crashing down it was God that saw our tears, heard our voices crying out, and felt our hearts break. It was him that never left our side.
The enemy thought he was leaving us for dead but little did he know God was leading us to life. God never once allowed us to be forsaken even in those darkest moments. Instead, he gave us strength to endure through the night, a courage and boldness that only comes from heaven to face our giants, faith to believe him no matter what our situation looked like, and a peace that gave us joy through it all.
In the fire God purified our hearts, he trained our hands to war and created a man and woman after God’s heart. God restored to us everything that was lost with interest.
Friends although I still face storms, I no longer face them as a hopeless girl. I face them as a woman who knows how mighty, powerful and, faithful her God is. I face them knowing that God will always work everything out for my good.
This blog was birthed out of my overwhelming desire to share God’s truth with women thirsting for something more than what this world can provide. It’s for the dreamer that knows they were called for more, for the girl who is broken and ready to come home into the arms of her Heavenly Father.
I’m here to encourage you, inspire you, and enlightened you on your own journey with Christ no matter where you may be. Let’s drink from the well that never runs dry together, so that we can fight the good fight, finishing our race having kept the faith.
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